Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Growing Up *Adult content!*

*this post is about puberty and the sex talk. Some words will be used that you may not want your children to read. So please make sure that they are out of the room or out of line of sight from the screen.

A really talented woman posted on her blog about a question her daughter asked her, and well it scared the nilly willies out of her. So you know what I'm taking about and you can catch up with what I'm about to write visit Amelia's Blog by clicking the link there.

OK if you read her blog, the scary word is puberty. Yup, if you have youngin's (i think for us girls are more scary than boys for some reason) yes that word will come up. A lot of us are like our parents, we hope we don't hear that word or even the S-E-X word!!! OH NO!!

Thing is this, they are going to hear it eventually. T.V. Internet and the ever so knowledgeable FRIENDS will tell them what it is all WRONG.

I decided even before I had kids that I wasn't going to be afraid of the whole puberty and sex talks. My reasoning was because I had to learn by myself. My mom and dad were scared to talk to me about these things because they had the idea that I would want to go and DO these things. Well, lets just say that ideal plan didn't work. First off, when I got my aunt flow, I was FREAKING OUT!!! I mean sure, we went to school, my mom signed the form that let the nurse show us some cartoon movie about puberty and growing up. That didn't do the job though. I still had no clue as to what to expect. See I remember when I was about 12 years old, my back was hurting so bad. So was my lower abdomen. I mean I was crying so hard, I didn't know what to do. My dad was worried, my mom was working and my little brother was biting his nails because his older sister was screaming in pain from and unknown source! Then I remember seeing it...a dark brown spot. I THOUGHT I POOPED MY PANTS!!! I FREAKED OUT. I told my dad that I had pooped my pants and I didn't know I did it. It happened again several times. I mean I was freaking out, I thought I was going crazy!!! So my dad put bengay on my back and sent me to bed. Later on around midnight my mother comes home and wakes me up. She asks me to show her what I told my dad about and she said "OH you started your period" threw me some maxi pads and that was it!!! Nothing more!

I learned other things on my own too. See when I had my oldest daughter (for those of you who don't know, I have 4 girls no boys) I swore that I was going to do things different. I had told myself that when I was about 16. I re-affirmed it again when I got married and when I had Rebekah (my oldest).

As she grew up she saw me pregnant 3 more times. I mean it was cute when she was 1 and she would pop out her belly and say "Bebe, Bebe" and point to her belly too. Then again with Rebekah and Erykah when I was pregnant with Monikah. They would pop out their bellies and say they too had babies inside them as well. I mean it was horror for my husband but I thought it was cute.

It wasn't until I was pregnant with my 4th daughter Jesykah when Rebekah asked "HOW DOES THE BABY LOOK INSIDE OF YOU?" That is when I got the book by Alexander Tsiaras From Conception to Birth . (you can click on the link to take you to Amazon).

So with this book I showed them how a baby is forming inside my belly. I went each month with them and showed them how the baby was growing and how the baby looked inside of mom. Then the question was asked "BUT MOM HOW DID THE BABY GET INSIDE YOU?"

Don't get me wrong, I did panic but then I remembered that I had a duty to do. I promised something long ago that I would never do, and that was hide. SO my daughter being a young age I tailored my answer to her age. At that time Rebekah was 6. Most of you wont have to deal with this until later on but don't wait till THEY ask...your gonna have to find a way to start this up. I recommend to start talking about this by 8 yrs old at least. So, back to the story. I told Rebekah "Well mommies and daddies love each other right?" she said "Yeah like you and daddy love each other". I proceeded to tell her that moms and dads love each other so much that the dads gives the mommy a special gift that makes the baby." That seamed to satisfy her until we moved back home.

So then, later on, while cleaning, my daughter came upon some of my stuff. She asked me what it was and I told her that mom was on her monthly flow. She asked me some questions as to why and how and what was the purpose for it. So I told her that every month a woman has this. What it was is that there was a house for a baby to move in. So the body build a house every month to wait for a baby. If a baby moved it then the flow would not happen. If there was no baby moving in then the body broke down the house and then would make another one again later on. I said the body wanted to make sure that the house was "brand new " for the new baby.

Then it progressed to (as she grew a year older) showing her what a woman looks like inside. I showed her using a book what the fallopian tubes were and what they carried. I explained to her now in better detail in some more real terms about ovulation, eggs, fallopian tubes and menstruation.

When she got to late fifth grade to early sixth grade i started talking to her about sex. She had asked. In my hometown, we have one of the highest pregnancy rates and she had already heard about sex in 4th grade except she never thought of it until she heard it again in 5th grade.

So yes, I sat down and talked to her about sex. I didn't tell her that it was a mommy and daddy loving each other anymore. She had told me what she had heard and I said it was true. I mean to her it was gross. However I told her that's how babies are made. She did freak out a bit but I told her that one day she will find a man she will love and she will not think it is gross anymore. I also did say sex was for a husband and wife ONLY. I told her sex is TO MAKE BABIES. That only moms and dads are ready to share the love for each other by creating something together that they both will share that love with. I then asked her if she thought teenagers were ready to or mature enough to take care of that baby. I said to her that unmarried people run the risk of not raising the child together because they did not plan out what the costs and sacrifice of raising a child was. A lot of the time young parents do not know the actual sacrifice it takes to take care of a child. I hate to say it but I did say that most boys are not willing to stick around so the mom is there to take care of the child herself.

All in all I did this in stages. She knows why her body hurts, she knows why she feels so tired all the time now, she knows all that. She knows her body is getting ready to start ovulating, but she also knows that she is not ready for the responsibilities of certain action. I always tell her just because you can doesn't mean you should. Remember I said that my town has the highest pregnancy rate...well my daughter just finished 6th grade. Now I know this doesn't mean anything but a lot of her friends already have boyfriends?! She tells me they kiss a lot. My daughter tell them they are too young to have boyfriends. Now Rebekah isnt the most tactful young lady ( i mean what pre-teen is?) She makes fun of them and mocks them and says "Dating, what do you mean your dating? You cant even go out without your parents? Oh wow what a date?" She is pretty grounded for her age and I'm very proud of her. She has had boys ask her to be their girlfriend and she has always said "NOPE..I'm to young for that"

So guys, don't be afraid to talk to your kids. Again do it in stages. DON'T WAIT FOR THEM TO ASK. I failed at it once. Rebekah came to me and asked me what sex was because her friends had already told her about it. I know they are our babies and they will FOREVER BE OUR BABIES even when they are 80 yrs old!!! I say that to her. Sure you don't want them to grow up but its inevitable. The best thing to do is prepare them. Make them strong, THAT GOES FOR BOYS TOO! Teach them to respect girls. Make sure your husband OR YOU DADS dont make women to look like objects. Remember one day you may have granddaughters and you want your sons to treat girls like you would want your granddaughters to be treated. My FIL learned that the hard way. He once told my husband to "GO AND SOW HIS WILD OATS" then he ended up with 4 granddaughters by me and one other granddaughter by his youngest sons ex-wife. You think he wants some guy to 'sow his wild oats' with his granddaughters? You bet he doesn't.

Don't forget that while teaching all this, teach that Love Waits too. My oldest daughter Rebekah said she wants to take the Purity vow. How that came about is a whole other post. She really respects that sanctity of marriage and I do wish my mother talked to me about these things the way I talk to Rebekah about it.

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