Monday, October 26, 2009

Is it that unimaginable?

I was watching the news today, our local news. In one segment they said a man joined the military and I quote " JUST FOR THE INSURANCE FOR HIS WIFE". Really is it that hard to believe? I know so many people who have done it. Shoot Marty joined the military for the benefits too! Insurance is expensive...Ive known that since I was young. My dad had GREAT insurance coverage for us, but he paid out the ASS for it! Then I turned 20 and I was pregnant. Marty and I got married and despite his parents and my saying not to him going the army, Marty being a headstrong man, went anyways. I wanted him to continue his education, I was still going to school and we had family here. Still we went, his reasoning...INSURANCE!

He said he needed to provide for his family, he needed to take care of his new family. He hates asking for help and so he went this way. I was scared. I had never left home, I had never lived away from my family. Heck my dad was the typical "Hispanic" father that believes a young woman is NOT TO LIVE outside of DADS protection. A man can use her and abuse her. She doesn't know better! Really I was his only daughter and I think he had issues with letting me go, but that's another blog.

A lot of people have a hard time letting their children go. I might, have a hard time. A lot more people have a HARDER time letting their child go to the military...I might NOT. I think its a noble thing to do...but my girls will have their degrees before they go. Over my dead body will they be enlisted, they will go commissioned officers if they join the military! The military was a scary thing for me, again for above reasons. I learned a lot about myself. We had so many good memories, we did have some not so good memories. For example, Marty missed Erykahs 1st bday and the birth of Jesykah. All in all the milestones missed wasn't all that bad. We got to travle the world, live abroad and the girls have a vast knowledge of other cultures, other foods, other languages. We didn't have to worry when Erykah had RSV 3 times then diagnosed with ASTHMA. I didn't worry when she got Kawasaki's Disease. I didn't have to worry when Rebekah was born early and so was Jesykah. Or when Jesykah stopped breathing at 2 months and had to be rushed to the hospital...I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY! Everything was covered, everything was taken care of.

It is a good life, don't bash it. It takes care of families, yes its scary, but it can be a life long lesson for your kids. You have to be open minded, be willing to travel to countries you do not know the language and just IMMERSE yourself in it. I loved it, I hope we do go back to the Army. I still have lots of countries to visit...LONDON, PARIS, CHINA AND MORE!

The military is a great place...a very great place to be. You just have to be strong and open minded.


Sunday, October 25, 2009

We all get shaken but we need faith

This past week has been a week of sadness. All of a sudden, in my family, a great big grey BLACK cloud has been cast upon us. Tuesday, I found out, that my cousins wife has stage 4 cancer. What cancer, I still have yet to learn. She is young...I think if shes not in her late 30's she is in her early 40's. She has 3 children one just 2 yrs old. I think of my cousin, how he must be feeling. I think of their children, esp the older ones. They are my 2 oldest girls they know what is going on and what the end result could be, or honestly, the doc said, will be.

She is my 2nd daughters God Mother, well they are her God parents. We never really ever got together because well at first Marty was an Army man. We moved a lot, we came home not to many times and when we did it was a "drive by visit". I have, since I was 23, known that I should not take my family for granted. My best friend passed away 2 months after she turned 23. I then realized, that we are all here one minute and the next we are gone. I suffered a lot with her death, to the point that I almost lost it. My faith was very much shaken, I couldn't understand WHY God took her away. She was a healthy young woman, not previous complications due to illness, nothing that I KNOW of. She fell into a coma one day 2 months later she passed away. However my family didn't extend to more than my kids, my husband, my parents and my brothers. I was wrong.

She (my best friend) must have finished what she came here to do, that's all I can think of. However her death gave me lessons that I still use to this day, and sometimes Marty either gets mad at me over or makes fun of me. I always say 'GOD WILLING' cause in the end it is Gods will weather or not we stay or go right now. I always hug my girls and tell them I love them. I don't make things more than what they seem. I don't like making mountains outa molehills. I realize that my life is a gift. Everyday is a gift, every hour, every minute and second...they are all gifts and we either waste them or put them to good use. I try not to worry about things that I cant change, I try not to worry to much about nothing because in the end they are still going to be there.

Those of you who know me know I'm catholic, and those who don't know me personally and just through some social network should now my faith in my religion is strong. Yes there are times that I get upset and I get mad at GOD and I say to him "YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE!" then later on he shows me I should and I pray and say I'm sorry. I'm like a child who wants things her way sometimes. See we are children of GOD, no matter how old or how young we are all children of GOD. We act with him how our children act with us. We throw tantrums when we don't get our way, we feel betrayed when people or situations get taken away. We blame HIM for things WE as a human race have ruined. Just like our children throw a tantrum when they don't get that candy, those jeans, that phone. They feel like we don't understand them when we don't let our kids go to that party where all the WHO'S WHO of the school will be. They blame us when something good happens yet they are punished for their actions.

I know my life is a gift, I know my children are loans. I know my husband, be that he is my best friend, can be here one minute and not here tomorrow. I try not to take my days for granted. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of what will happen after. I'm afraid my youngest daughter will not remember me. I'm afraid, how my husband will react. I'm afraid my children will withdraw from life and loose their faith. I and weaving a net for them. I try to make them understand that because things don't go the way we planned doesn't mean GOD doesn't love you or that it was wrong. Life can hand you LOTS AND LOTS of lemons. I know, I'm one of those people that have tons of LEMONS. I'm constantly sick. Seems to me like when I take 2 steps forwards, I end up being pushed back 5 steps more!

Still, I wonder about my cousins and his wife and his children. The family is on edge. I haven't visited him or his wife, I'm afraid to, since shes started her round of chemo. I don't want to take anything that could harm her. I mean I think I have allergies, but for all I know I have some super cold bug that could cause her more harm. I do hope that she takes time to make memories with her kids. I hope she is leaving them letters. I know that's what I do. Id make letters to each and everyone of my girls. Id leave them videos of myself for them.

Now that I think about it, this is another great lesson for me. I don't know when I will pass on. I SHOULD be making letters to my girls. I may go tomorrow, or even tonight. We all should do that. Today at church, we found out that a WHOLE FAMILY was killed while traveling. Life is so precious. Shakespeare said "Life is like a candle. It can either burn itself down and die naturally or it can be snuffed out with a passing wind." There was a story my mom told me...and its true. She knew this woman who's grandmother had passed on. The grandmother left a very LARGE sum amount of money to her son, the woman's father. The father told my moms friend that he was going to spend all that money traveling and not to expect anything because he was going to spend it all. Well he never got the money...a few short months later, the man passed away. He never got to spend that money he so greedily yearned to do.

I don't write this to preach. I'm really writing this because I need to let my feelings out in a way. I am upset. I do not understand why she is going through this but I do know its not GOD creating this. We did this to ourselves. All the pollutants we breath, drink and eat. Unfortunately it is us that is causing these illnesses in such young people. So how come GOD doesn't come and fix it? Well, why don't you fix every mistake your child does? Same reason why GOD doesn't, what would we learn from it? NOTHING. If you went and fixed everything your child did wrong and your child didn't get punished, he/she wouldn't learn anything from it and would continue doing what is wrong. We can not blame GOD for our misdoings. We can not blame GOD for the things we put in the air, food and water.

I do hope that she knows its not GOD punishing her. I hope she knows its not GOD allowing this to happen to her. I do hope she knows that GOD is there to walk her through the hard times. I hope that she doesn't loose faith no matter WHAT the outcome is. I know its hard to trust someone else you cant see with the fate of your life...but that's why its called faith. We sometimes don't get what WE want, we may not understand why things happen and one day you will, but at this moment we don't. I don't know if she will live or die. I don't know. I hope she lives. I want her to live, not for me, but for her husband and her children. I know id be beside myself worrying about my children's future and the things I will get to miss. I would worry about the things my girls will miss not having a mother. I know my husband will have problems doing certain things, but i do have faith in him. Its more of my fear of not being here for my girls, not seeing them grow. Graduating from college, getting married, HAVING A SLEW OF KIDS!!! cause yes, i want A LOT OF GRAND KIDS!!! and all these things all my fears I see it being played out in my cousins life. It shakes me to my core. I pray for her that GOD leaves her here. I know in the end it is his will not ours. He has a plan. I know what I want for her. Ill I have is my faith that GOD will do what is right and that all I have to do is trust and pray.

end of my vent.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Do we REALLY have to go through this?? SERIOUSLY?

I don't have sisters. I have 2 younger brothers and we never fought. Yes, as un believable as that sounds my brothers and I never fought and my brothers hardly if ever fought at all. It could be cause well, I didn't have to share anything with my brothers and my brothers are about 6 yrs apart so they never had anything to fight about. MARTY and his brother, according to him, fought on a daily basis. He says it was not just yelling and saying mean things...THEY FOUGHT!! FISTIES as they say it. I'm not used to it, he is.

So where am I going with this? OK so my oldest, Rebekah, is 12. She just turned 12. However shes getting "ready" for the teen years already. I call it "THE PRACTICE RUN!" For me, what gets to me is, the lack of attention she gives us. I tell her to do something and I expect her to do it. However she seems to think that she can take her time with it. The "oh as long as it gets done sometime today its OK " attitude...I don't like that. She drags, she has no concept of time. TIME STANDS STILL FOR THE LITTLE MISS! PHHTTBBB!!! YEAH RIGHT! OK so that's been my mini drama here in our home. Even Marty is getting fed up with her attitude.

New drama unfolds this morning:

Rebekah: I cant find anything to wear
in comes Erykah...
Marty: should have gotten your cloths ready last night bekah, you cant just tell EJ to take of her pants (Rebekah starts to argue here ) when we are getting ready to leave!
Rebekah: (while Marty is finishing his sentence ) DAD I LEND THEM TO HER FOR ONE DAY! NOT THE ENTIRE WEEK!!
Marty: Check your tone little girl, you don't yell at me.
Rebekah: (in a much quieter voice and tears streaming down her face) But those are my pants dad. I only have 2 pairs of pants.
Marty: Where are you other pants?
Rebekah: I DON'T KNOW?! (she realized what she did because Marty looked at her sternly and she looked down) I don't know dad?
Marty: Find them and use them?

Rebekah storms out upset and crying....she did find her khaki brown pants, but she was still upset about the other pants. Our deal at our house...GET YOUR CLOTHS READY THE NIGHT BEFORE. My little ones do that all the time. Rebekah used to do it but now she just ignores us and does her own thing. Then when things go wrong, she blames everyone else! She sees her sister wearing her pants all week long and now she wants them back? UUGGHHH!!

I really don't want to deal with "MOM SHES WEARING MY SHIRT!" thing. I buy cloths and I remind them they are to SHARE the cloths. I tell my mom and my MIL that when they buy cloths for them, to make sure they don't get them EACH their own...they need to learn to share. It seems like as the days go, Rebekah seems to act out a bit. Shes not bad, she does not talk back...she knows better. We do allow our girls more freedom to tell us what they feel but it has to be don't with respect and tact. It is something that FOR ME I couldn't do with my parents. As I grew up you did what you were told. If you said anything about it in a negative way, oh you got spanked.

I know Rebekah is trying to find "herself" she is a independent young lady, yet at the same time she comes to me when she needs comfort. She is not afraid to hug me and cuddle with me in front of her friends. When her friends are telling their mothers "Stop mom your embarrassing me!" She tells me "you don't embarrass me". I feel good that she is comfortable. So its not really your typical pushing away of the parents thing, its more of sibling rivalry. I never went through I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle it. Marty dealt with BOY hes not much help either. Oh whats a mother to do. Oh well, just take it in day by day.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Men and Women: Finding the Balance in the Home

So I'm an avid "TODAY SHOW" viewer. That's is how I start every morning. I get up, my remote under my pillow and CLICK turn on the TV. I'm the type of person who wants to know whats going on in my country and around the world. To me its important to be well informed. We talk about the current events in our house, we incorporate our morning talk with our girls with whats happening. A lot of people tell me our girls are very intelligent and mature for their age, well that's probably why...cause we, Marty and I, make sure our girls know current events and the impact they have on the world. So they have a new segment, where Maria Shriver is "investigating" how the role shift in the home is affecting us as families in America. It is called "A WOMAN'S NATION".

I grew up with a WOMAN: my mom, who probably didn't HAVE to work, but did. She is that woman that would not accept the title "HOUSE WIFE". She was a career woman ALL of her life. She started working at the age of 14. One because she wanted to help out her family. My grandparents were immigrants. When they came to the U.S. my mother was about 3 yrs old. My aunt and uncle are much older. They were a poor farming family. What prompted my mom to work at the age of 14, I don't know. She and her best friends just wanted to earn money, I suppose. They tried their hand at picking crops at a local ranch. She said that by noon, they wanted out! They hitched a ride back to town and her best friends dad, a prominent man in our city at that time got upset that they were back home and not working. They were scolded like little pups with their tails between their legs, well that's how my mom tells the story. In two shakes of a lambs tail, that man acquired my mother and her best friend a job as secretaries. That's how my mothers career started. She stayed with that job for a very long time, I know at least until she married my dad. I came along then my brothers, but I do not know what my mom did or if she worked during those times. I do remember being young and seeing my mother come home from work. She always smelled good, that was because she worked at retail stores. My mom was a fashionista, so she surrounded herself with cloths all the time. Not a week went by where my mom didn't come home with brand new cloths for my brothers and I. Its one of the perks in working in retail..I should know, I worked in retail when I was a teen too! When I was in Middle school, my mother had a stint working in the Hospital. However my mother wears her heart on her sleeve. Gee, I wonder where I get it from? She said she couldn't go into another room of a dying old person and basically tell them "Before you die we need to make sure your bills are paid here." So she quit! Not long after she landed herself a job with the school district and there she has been for nearly 20 years.

It is my mothers belief that a woman NEEDS TO WORK. That woman shouldn't settle into domestic duties. She is one of those "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!" type people. If she has an opinion she will tell you her opinion, even if you don't want to hear it. My mother expected me to get some POWER HOUSE degree and have some kind of GREAT career. Well at least become a teacher. To her EVERY DEGREE leads to a teaching job. I don't know I guess its this area...either become a teacher, a nurse or a doctor.

Certainly I didn't expect to be a house wife either. Honestly...I was studying to become an elementary teacher. However I knew I wanted a family soon and I wanted to start young. For that I needed a man!!! hahahaha. I was going to college, I was studying to be a teacher. Someone told me "Before you continue become a substitute and make sure you like this career. Its not for everyone." That person must have seen something in me to tell me that. Certainly I took that advice and I'm glad I did. I DIDN'T LIKE THE TEACHING JOB! I hated it. I had two years under my belt of college and now I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. 2 yrs later, I married my husband, then came Bekah and a military life. So I never did finish my degree.

So the topics just to catch up Do you think that its fair across the board when it comes to duties between men and women at home and at work? Like childcare, chores, cooking and stuff like that. Do you think a WOMAN has to work or do you think that she should have a choice?

Most of the women I know...are housewives like me. I certainly didn't choose to be a stay at home mom. When Rebekah was born, there were a lot of reports of day cares not taking care of babies, babies dying, babies having horrible infections from unchanged diapers and those horrific video tapes of babysitters physically abusing babies and toddlers. If you know Marty then you know he is just a tad over protective of his babies. He doesn't trust easy and when he saw that, he said to me "YOU ARE STAYING HOME AND TAKING CARE OF REBEKAH!" It wasn't something that we talked about, he just decided...he just didn't think ANYONE could take care of our kids better than us. I mean certainly I did work here and there. Mostly I volunteered with the Army Family Readiness Groups. However from the get go, it was set that I am to be a mother who raises the kids. I took care of all the household chores. Marty really didn't have to lift a finger, but he did help. He would cook, did the dishes and other things.

I knew families where the woman DID have a career or a job or whatever you want to call it. Some had to; some wanted to. That was the army..the army provided us a more comfortable life style. We are NOT in the army anymore and yes money has been tight. Marty and I have talked about me going back to work. He will tell me "I think you need to find a job" and Ill say "Yes, I know, Ive already put in some applications." Then something happens. One of the girls get sick. If you didn't know I have an asthmatic and a migraine sufferer. Things get forgotten by the girls and yes, even by Marty. Marty then freaks out and he says "Priscilla, you can find a job if you want to but you don't have to" its his way of saying "STAY AT HOME WE NEED YOU!" LOL. See we don't have the luxury my mom had when she was raising my brothers and I. She had her mom to help. My grandma didn't work, she took care of us when my parents were'nt at home. My grandparents picked us up after school. We were never home alone. If we were sick my mom didn't have to worry, grandma would care for us. My mother in law had the same luxury. My husbands granny (on both sides) took care of him and his brother. Yes I call it a luxury. I don't have that. My mom works, my MIL works too. My kids get sick mom gets called, I pick them up. Rebekahs migraines can last a WEEK! Shoot if I had a job the boss would have called me and said "Mrs. Resendez forget about coming back to work" Then there is the dreaded after school time? I mean my elementary school kids have the option of staying in the after school program, but my near teen daughter! Heck just the other day my BIL was here visiting us and we were talking about this very thing. If no one was here at home, who KNOWS what would be going on. I mean I know my daughter...but her friends my take advantage that there is nobody at home and try to come here with their boyfriends...I don't want that and certainly Marty's eyes popped out wide at the idea of that happening. Again he reaffirmed that it is a good idea that I'm at home!

So in the end...Are you a stay at home mom? Do you want to become one? Is it possible or does your husband not 'LET YOU'. Yes I did say that. I say that cause I know several women where the husband will not LET the woman stay at home with the kids. One of those couples...are divorced now, because of that issue. She wanted to raise the kids, not someone else, he said NO GO TO WORK! Now they are divorced. I understand that there are times or certain situations where you NEED two incomes, but if you can do with one, then I think its ok for the woman to raise the kids instead, I mean if that's what she wants. I think there should be some kind of a compromise there. If you want to stay at home, also understand that the lifestyle you are living right now is no longer going to be there with one income. Also understand that your household chores tend to double. Its not only household stuff, but errands. People start to expect that because you are not working you have a lot of time. Normally its true, but honestly, like take me for example, I have to take care of things for 5 other people. My girls are very active girls..cheering, choir, football, so they need school things and activity stuff all the time. I'm running up and down all day long most days. I take them to the doctor, when they get sick. Cook lunch for my husband when he comes home for lunch, and so much more!

So let me know...I know its a long blog...but its very good to talk about it. How is your family dynamics? Moms...what do you expect for you girls if you have daughters. What do you expect from the girls you son marries? For me..I want my girls to get degrees. I want them to have something just in case they need to bring in an income for their families when they start their families. I mean I will certainly be there to help them. If they have careers, Ill be here to take care of my grandchildren. If they want to be SAHM...I want them to be SAHM. However, I want them to have that degree cause like our times right will help them bring in more income if they need it.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Wow...butterlfies are all over!

Today it felt as though FALL finally came to our little boring town. Honestly, it was a trick of nature. It was really nice in the morning, nice and cool we opened up the windows to conserve energy here (eeheem...lower our electric bill). Marty even cut the grass. Well I hadnt gone outside and the girls come in yelling "MOMMY MOMMY!!! DO WE HAVE GLASS JARS" I say "For what for what??!!" they say "CUZ WE ARE CATCHING BUTTEFLIES!!" Hmm..ok, Ill bite. I go outside and WOWZAS!! THERE WAS A SWARM (if you want to use the word swarm to describe a lot them) BUTTERLFLIES. I am not kidding. Everwhere we went there were brown, yellow, green and YES even BLUE butterflies!! Yeah by like 12 noon...IT WAS HOT AGAIN! Now its ok, but..honestly not cool enough for me.

If they are still here tomorrow, I will take pics, yes, I will snap away, i will go to the park and just click away. They are so beautiful. It almost makes living in this boring city ok.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

{My hands are tied} A mothers nightmare.

The moment women find out we are carrying a child, we do what we can to make sure that child grows healthy. We take our vitamins, we eat right, do what the doctor tells us we need to do. We form a bond with that life within us from the start. When they come out to face the world, we continue to make sure they are healthy. Feed them right, take them to all well baby check ups and so forth.

A mother always wants to make sure their child is happy and healthy. We run to the doc at the lightest sniffle. We stay up late nights when they have high temperatures. It is our job, it is our duty, but what happens when you can't just give them a medicine to make it go away.

It is a very helpless feeling, seeing your child being whisked away. I had to go through that with Erykah. It is a very helpless and frightening feeling. Tests were done and well now she has to have medication. We know her asthma triggers we know what can harm her, it was almost easy to figure it out.

But what do you do when you give your child medicine that SHOULD help alleviate the pain but it doesn't? Rebekah started with migraines last year...believe it or not I remember the day she started with them. It was Aug 11th 2008. She started with a very high fever, chills and body aches. She had really bad vomiting to the point she had to go to the ER cause the anti-vomit meds the doc gave here were not working. The doc said she was dehydrated and we just chalked it up to that. Marty and I know if you get badly dehydrated you can end up with headaches, fever and muscle pain. So we made sure she was well hydrated. 2 weeks past and AGAIN, she had the migraines. Except this time there was no fever, no muscle aches and only some nauseousness. Then they went away. One doc said it was stomach headaches? Whatever that is. I came to find out that stomach headaches are only when they throw up so much it causes headaches. The problem with that was that Rebekah wasn't throwing up. So last year was a very stressful year for me. I'm worrying about Rebekah and Marty didn't help. He was saying she was making it up. I for one know my girls. Rebekah HATES missing school. She wasn't her perky self anymore. Her face looked almost ghoulish and depressing. I just didn't know what to do anymore.

Now fast forward to this past Monday the 13th of Oct. She had been doing fine that weekend. We had a baptism on Sat. went to church on Sunday, everything was cool. Monday was a holiday for the kids so they had a long weekend. However that night, her school football team was playing so she had to cheer. Things were going well. She was yelling, cheering, dancing, and tossing her fliers up in the air.

This is her before her migraine:

See she is happy, she was perky. I mean we were having fun. It was a very eventful football game. Her team started out really bad, but they came around and started to win. So this is her just before her head started to hurt.

Then just about 10 minutes after this was taken, she was doing a cheer with all of her team. She looked so pretty and her pompoms in hand. All of a sudden she looks down, her smile comes off and she is frowning. I told Marty "Somethings wrong" He said "What do you mean?" I said "Rebekah isn't looking good, she looks like shes feeling sick" He looked at her and he said "Go check whats wrong" I did, I went down and she looked at me and she said "Mom, I'm gonna get a migraine" So since Monday night she has been in pain. Tuesday was the worst day. Our house looked like a cave, all dark and quiet. Wednesday was a little better, but she still had pain here and there. There was one point where she went to her room and curled up to cry. Those are the times where I feel like I want to jump out of my skin because I cant help her. I cant make her pain go away. She is taking adult strength Advil and STILL the pains comes through.

It is much more hard to deal with a child's migraines than with your child having asthma. I know the triggers for Erykah. They are usually the same for every asthma sufferer across the board. Migraines are another beast of its own kind! Every migraine sufferer has their own triggers and we still don't know what Rebekah's are. It had been SO LONG since her last migraine. She had an entire summer of cheering, camps, tumbling all without incident. She started out the school year wonderful. We let down our guard and when we did, they attacked her again.

So I'm here blogging about it. I am going to encourage her to write about it herself. Maybe get her to blog about her life. She has gone to a peds. neurologist. He said shes an over achiever. She is a straight A student and she loves cheer. She loves playing her guitar and her drums. She loves to sing and is a great artist. She does so much, but now I'm wondering if maybe she is doing to much. I would thing her playing guitar and drawing, painting and crafting would be a stress releaser, but maybe its more of a stressor.

If you have a child of migraines, how do you help your child cope. What are your child's triggers. I don't know what to do anymore. Last night she came to my room and she said she wanted me to cuddle with her like when she was a baby. She was feeling bad. So I did and she fell asleep in my arms like she did when she was a baby, except she is now 12.

So this is our journey right now. Helping Rebekah lead a normal teen life. Trying to help her cope with an enemy that can strike at any moment. That way she can lead a happy & full life as an adult, a wife and a mother later in life.