Friday, January 21, 2011

The art of growing up....

can sometimes kick you in the stomach...well sort of.  Parents always see their children as babies.  Its the blinders of life.  No other child is as perfect as our own.  So when they start to come into their own...a lot of us have hard time letting them go....slowly.  It has been a very crazy week for us here.  My older daughter had been asked to be a girlfriend.  When she told me this I swear, the scene in "Father of the Bride" popped into my head.  You know where she comes home, they are all eating at the table and she is talking about this wonderful man shes met and shes gonna marry him.  All the dad sees is his little girl talking not his adult daughter.  Well, it didn't exactly go like that for me here.  Bek..only said "So and so asked me to be his girlfriend"  GUT wrenching yeah...but I really had nothing to worry about.  Yes, she said yes, but nothing really ever came about.  It didn't last the entire week...he called it off, she said OK...and that's it.  I asked her if she was OK she said "yeah not a big deal mom.  we didn't even hang out long enough to really get to know each other well."   I mean she did say she felt a big disappointed that he didn't give her the chance...but she said she wasn't heartbroken.  I think for me it was hard to even think that someone TRIED to hurt her.  No parents wants their child to get hurt, physically or emotionally.  I don't know if that was his intention or if he just found himself with a girl who took the word "relationship" seriously and he wasn't ready for that "seriousness"  who knows.  Either way...It was hard to see that. 

For those of you who say, "Well, why did you allow her...shes only 13"  The way Dh and I see it is, we want our kids to come to us. We want them to trust us.  In her knowing she trust us, we also have to face our own fears of "I hope we raised her well".  One way of putting it into perspective: If you don't trust your child, then you don't trust yourself, for your child is an extension of the parents.  Yes, it was hard to let Bekah make that decision on her own...I had to let her, how else will she have lessons to look back too later in life.  She has to form her own mistakes...and I have to hope she learns from them.  At the same time, in her making her own mistakes, I hope the little voices in her head...you know the nagging of mom and dad...help guide her too.  If I told her she was forbidden...she could have told me one thing and at school would have been another.  That's a big no go for me! I will say it took her nearly 3 days to say yes to that kid. 

This is just the beginning of the process of letting them go. From birth we have made every choice for them almost.  From what to eat, to when to sleep to what to watch.  In that time we also tell them why we are making those choices.  We teach them, we guide them and help them understand the world...as best we can.  After all they didn't come with an instruction manual.  Bekah is at a point were a lot of the choices she makes will not be because mom and dad said so.  She will be in High school next year and shes going to make decisions with or without me.  I have to trust she knows what she is doing.  I'm am learning as I go to...it's sort of like "FLY BY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS" learning. I did tell her "One day, a guy is gonna ask you and you wont have to think about it for nearly 3 days...your just gonna say 'YES!'"

So my bekah had her first "boyfriend"...for less than a week.  She says "Well, we can't call him my first boyfriend can we mom?"  I said "what do you mean"  "Well," she said "we never really hung out to give it a chance"  I said "yeah I guess your right...pretty smart there kiddo"  she says "Yeah I know"  and we continued watching tv...yeah kiddo...your pretty smart there ;o)




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